Separate Fact= (concern) from Fiction= (worry) My biggest issue was trying to stop all the worries running through my head. My worries were: did I say something wrong?; did they like me?; did I write a good email?; will I get promoted?; was I too hard?; was I funny?; will she call?; why hasn’t she called?; is she cheating on me?; does she love me?; I could go on and on. The best book I read on this issue was; The Power of Self Coaching, by Joseph. J. Luciani (256 pages). In this book, it outlines several techniques on how to shut out these thoughts. You have a choice to close the door. I believe it is a very informative, useful book, full of excellent techniques, ideas & real world scenarios.
Understand, before moving forward-¦you must have trust in each other; you must communicate. These are the keys to your success. Now, this doesn’t mean you hound her/him; or, need to know every second of the day of where she/he is located; or, -œblow up- her/his phone with calls/texts! Again, you must trust and there must be real communication. I accepted and implemented the -œVault door- procedure. Let me explain. When I get thoughts of worry, I must separate fact from fiction. Example, I call Katherine and can’t reach her. Fact: she is at the store; I have been in that store. There is no cellular reception in that store. She will call me when she gets my message. Fiction: is she looking at some other man; does she not love me anymore; is she ignoring me; what did I do wrong, etc. So now you see the difference. On paper it looks very easy to separate the two; but, while these thoughts are hitting your brain-¦you accept the -œworry--¦because it has become a habit of how you think. You can change this habit of worrying. If you truly love your spouse/partner and want peace of mind-¦ you must change your way of thinking. Now with my new -œtool-, that I added to my toolbox, I can now close the door as soon as the first thought tries to get in. Again, I can’t say this enough-¦you have a choice between having concern or worrying. We all have an -œinner child.- At times, our inner child can be a brat! Sometimes, our -œbrat- will surface and try to wreak havoc inside of us! This happened with me the other night. Katherine said something which I disagreed with, and instead of processing fact from fiction-¦I ran with fiction. Rather, my inner brat ran away with me and threw a -œfit.- Once I noticed what I had allowed, I grabbed my little -œbrat- by the collar and sat his ass down! I told him I was the adult and I would handle this situation! This is an example, of recognizing when you are choosing to worry. To me, the choice to worry is to allow our emotional immaturity to take over our mature and rational self. This ties directly to -œfact vs. fiction.- (I will discuss the -œinner child- in the future.) As I have said before, I am a visual and hands-on type of person. For me, the -œvault door- technique really made sense. When I start allowing -˜worry’ thoughts to seep in, I visualize a Bank Vault door. I see myself closing it and locking the lever. It has taken time; it’s not an easy process. But, if I can do it-¦anyone can do it! This is how I keep worry out of my thoughts. Now, I don’t worry about the future; I plan for the future. I use facts to make plans. I may have -œconcerns,- but-¦I’m not worried. (Examples: change in financial status, change of life, planning for a trip and on and on.) I don’t worry about today; I use the facts in addressing my concerns. Again, you must separate fact from fiction. Once you start thinking like this, you will see how life changes for you. People will see how laid back you have gotten. You will finally be able to allow yourself to relax. When was the last time you relaxed? Stop choosing to worry and you will be able to relax. You can only control what you do, you can’t control what others think or do. You do have a choice; get your own Peace of Mind. (ManUpAdvice.com)
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